The First Philosophy Tutorial

If you read the last post, you will know this post is all about this crazy tutorial and the aftermath.

It was my first ever tutorial. By saying crazy.. I do not mean that people are shouting at each other to win arguments, or the class was taught by crazy philosophically obsessed tutors who dressed like hipsters or Plato. NO, it was a really joyful, calm, and productive classroom. Tutor asks simple questions, and students answer them one by one. Everybodies introduce themselves, what are their degrees, why are they studying this course. Halfway through the class, there was a simple grading exercise. Up to this point, everything went smoothly. However, when the tutor came back to the quetion "why are we here? what do you think philosophy is", my brain kind of exploded with thoughts. Almost like I put everything I had learnt from last year till now into sentences.

Three points are organized in my reasons: learn more about philosophy, improving English ability as well as overcoming social anxiety, and help myself help others.

Part 1: Self-Explanation about The First Reason regarding Idealism and Intention

It must sounded so very stupid to answer question like "why do you study philosophy?" with the answer "to learn more about philsophy". But that was my spontaneous and simplest response in my mind. Most people do things with a purpose. In this case, finishing a university program and having a qualification enable them to get a job. Therefore, whatever they study is merely because of the course requirement. Of course you will argue that they decide to study it also because they like it. But they all have the same ultimate goal for their whole university duration, which is getting a degree and to get a job. This is what I call The Unavoidable Intentionality of Human Minds. Surely, it is not necessarily evil. However, in many occasions, doing things with intentions are degrading. For example, man talks to woman with the intention of getting laid, people make friends with the intention of securing potential future help and opportunity, helping others with the intention of going to heaven, or any action done with the intention of selfishness. Again, I'm not saying this are evil acts. However, I transformed this to one of my core idealism: what differs human from other animals? Since this can extend too long, I will only discuss the one reason why I mention this. All animals take actions with purposes: a lion hunts because he is hungry and needs to eat, a bird sings because he probably needs to mate.. you know where I'm going. Human doing things with a purpose will not elevate himself from the animal kingdom. And why would you want to do this? Because you want to know the distinction between you, a human being and a wild beast. And the best way to know it is to feel it in yourself.

So the above message explains my silly answer to the question "why do you study philosophy". My answer has one intention which is to learn more about philosophy. It takes me away from the pressure of intentions and makes me feel like an elevated human. Animals do not do things because they want to learn about it. They are either after foods, comfort, and potential mate, or driven by body mechanisms (this point needs some sort of scientific evidence to be convincing).

Of course, I did not talk about any of these details. Firstly, time limit. Secondly, my language ability. What I said was simply "to learn more about philosophy", and then I was interrupted.

Part 2: Reflective Thinking Practice for Language Problem

From here, I started to be nervous, as my thoughts were messy and crowded, and overpowered my English speaking ability. What is worse is that the tutor interrupted me with another question "what do you think philosophy is". My answer: "thinking about thinking." He responded: "what is thinking?" Here I lost it. I couldn't find the words to describe it, and my mind was short-circuited. He mocked that I still haven't answer what is thinking. The class bursted out bits of laughter. He won. And I am very frustrated and pissed off because I wasn't able to come back and express myself clearly. I should've tell them a better way to describe thinking is to describe it scientificly. Thinking is a process of the brain in which neurons connect and transmit electrical signals. How could I not have said that. I'm a science student! Shame on me.

However, I moved on. "So that's why the second reason why I study philosophy is a mean of improving my English. As an English second language speaker, I constantly felt this pressure of language when I try to express myself in public, because I have very poor choice of words. And I get really anxious, like right now". This was my second point and response. From then on, I couldn't hear anything. Inner voices filled up my brain. Outer voice became shaky.

"And there's one more reason why I wanna study philosophy. You know philosophy is love of wisdom. Wisdom can help us solve problems in life. For example, last year when I was studying in my first year, I became so closed up and kind of isolated myself from other people. I didn't wanna communicate, didn't wanna talk to anyone, because I felt a lack of meaning in the talking. And then I found out the meanings of life. It has three meanings: communication, understanding, and service. After I found out that, it makes me wanna talk to people. So philosophy.. it just.. it can help you solve problems in life. So that's why I study philosophy.. to help myself and help others." I wish I had added more to that and make myself clear.

This is all that was going on in my mind after tutorial. It was very intense.

#IdealistsJournal